Slap happy

Vicky Iovine starts off the first chapter of The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers with perhaps the most accurate statement about child rearing I've ever heard: "Mother Nature really is so damned smart to give you your child in infant form first. There might not have been quite so many takers if she were handing out toddlers."

Tonight I was treated to one of those moments when you step back and really question your desire to let the child live to see her third birthday. When I started thinking just how much money we would save on Christmas and birthday presents in the coming year. When I wondered what it would be like to return to a house that wasn't scattered with toys like a juvenile obstacle course. Tonight I was rewarded for all my caring and meals and gentle but firm discipline...with a slap in the face.

It figures that stuff like this would happen when Mr. MOM is out for the evening. There we were, having a great evening of playing, working on her wooden puzzles. Bedtime was fast approaching, so as she pulled out yet another puzzle, I told her that it was the last one and then we would start getting ready for bed when we were done with it. About halfway through, she lost interest and started to reach for her toy telephone. I said "no, it's time to get ready for bed," and moved it away to a place where she couldn't reach it. She tried to get it, but I kept telling her that playtime was up and it was time to get ready for bed, and that was when she hauled off and slapped me, full force, across the cheek.

You know those moments when a situation turns 180 degrees? When you can actually hear a click in your head signaling the change? That was one of those moments. I didn't hit back...that would be the wrong message to send ("how many...smack...times have I told you...smack...that it's not nice...smack....to hit someone?"). But through words alone, she got the message that this was unacceptable behavior and that she was in deep doo doo. And we're not talking about her diaper here.

Let's just hope this lesson sticks with her. Because the last thing on earth I would like to do is to raise a mini Zsa Zsa Gabor.